The Mansion of Madness
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: the X-Men are up to their old hijinks and tricks again: Magneto attempts to write an article, but has a lot of interruptions. Meanwhile, the hilarity just keeps coming when Jean suddenly has her worst fear realized upon seeing a dead bloated rat in the yard. It's all in good clean fun! with the X-Men, you'll never know what will happen next!


**Mansion of Madness**

It was a quiet Monday evening in the X-Mansion. Magneto was hard at work on putting the finishing touches for his latest column on the Genosha Times, the newspaper company he himself founded and runs the place as editor in chief. Just then, a loud belching sound occurred, causing the magnetic maestro to lose his place.

"burp… haaayyy Maggie… burp, what-wat are you doing… snuff?" Jean babbled drunkenly, her right eye twitching crazily, her hair frazzled, stains of wine and red wine on her dress and a half-filled Wino bottle in her left hand.

"Good heavens, Jean! What in God's sakes are you DOING?" Magneto gasped, astonished by his comrade's sudden bizarre change of behavior. "oh, hehehehe… I just felt a little… watery… hic! So I says to the minister, blah blah blah, if you know what I mean…" Jean teased before cackling loudly like a crazed hyena.

"Jean, are you DRUNK?" Magneto questioned, as Jean simply stared at him then simply breathed in his face.

"OH MY GAWD! DISGUSTING!" Magneto wheezed, mortified by the hazardous odor the wine acquired. He suddenly levitated out the office and rushed into a nearby restroom…

"Hey, what the- AAAAUUUGGG! MAGNETO! WHAT THE **HELL** ARE YOU DOING?" Spiral's screams echoed from the doorway.

"ugh, I don't know if I can even **bear** listening to Rita's hollering. Last night, she went bananas after I test-drove my new Pontiac." Jamie complained, as Scott and Remy nodded intently.

"yeah, I know what you mean. It's not typical." Scott replied before looking up to see Jean strolling down the stairs, apparently a bit more sane and collected, than usual.

"oh my god… I just had the **weirdest** dream… I was breathing toxic air into Magneto's face… then he rushed into Spiral and upchucked… and… **oh**." Jean slowly stated, realizing what she described was definitely **not** a fantasy.

"Ahem. Would **someone** care to explain just **why** there is a half-fermented Wino out by the patio?" Logan asked, holding a fermented wine bottle while giving Jean a look. "Now Logan, really, this isn't the time for your crazy pranks. Seriously bro, enough." Sam heaved, apparently unfazed with Logan's constant cantankerous no-nonsense sense of behavior.

"one more wisecrack outa your yap, hick, and you'll be on car wash duty for the next five weeks!" Logan snapped

"oh good grief, can we **ever** get those two guys a room?" Bobby griped a little too loudly, everyone facing his direction. "… that's really gross." Warren deadpanned. "uh, what's about the room now?" Doug asked. "Zip it, wiseguy." Sabretooth hissed.

"uh… guys, would someone mind helping me out here? There's this large dead rat on top of my hammock." Alex called out, Scott, Jean, Lorna, Warren, Sam, Betsy and Paige rushing out.

"eugh! That's just nasty!" Jean winced, pinching her nose in disgust as a few flies were buzzing around the rodent carcass. "ah, just relax. It's not gonna hurt you. See, its dead." Alex calmly assured, poking the rat's belly. Suddenly, a large mound of bloodied liver parts fell out of its stomach. Jean screamed in fright as the others covered their eyes

"Will you knock it off? What the heck's the matter with you?" Alex snapped as Jean was perched on top of a tree, sucking her thumb in fear. "Jean! There's nothing to worry about! It's just a dead animal! It's probably got worms and lice and bubonic plague…" Scott added, Jean's eyes shrinking more as she inched up the tree farther

"Way to go, Scott. Nice words of encouragement." Alex sarcastically smirked. Scott smacked him up the head. Next thing the others knew, Jean was sound asleep in the tree, dangled upside down like a bat.

"aww, isn't that so cute?" Betsy cooed, snapping photos as Alex rolled his eyes in disgust. "I cant believe this. She sees something that's either maimed or dead, and she just turns chicken! Jean's a coward!" Alex boasted

"Shhh! Jean may hear you!" Scott warned, not wanting his brother to incur Jean's wrath. "So what? She's a silly redheaded wuss." Alex smirked, Jean's eyes suddenly glowing bright red.

"What… did you say?" Jean growled, baring vampire fangs from her teeth, as a snakelike tongue slithered from her mouth. Alex immediately went pale.

"uh… gotta go!" Alex gulped, dashing off. Jean screeched and flew after him, batlike wings appearing from her back. "ok… that's something I never thought would happen." Warren uttered, astounded by Jean's bat-like abilities. "Just remind me **never** to piss her off." Sam whispered to Paige. A loud scream echoed right behind the shack, then Alex stumbled out. "Whoever owns a large, red-orange sedan… your light is on." Alex murmured, revealing a large pole stuck in his butt. Jean then instantly appeared next to Scott, in a flash of light.

"Aah!" Scott yelped, startled. "Like it? Kurt's been teaching me on how to teleport." Jean replied, Alex groaning in pain.

"well brother, hope you learned your lesson." Scott teased, as Alex gave him a dirty look. "Yeah, ha-ha very funny." Alex grumbled, before a manic Logan burst out from the outhouse, a chainsaw in his hands. Everyone instantly gulped in fear.

"Havok… I know it was **you**… but who painted green ozone logos… on my MOTORCYCLE!" Logan roared, all eyes on Alex. "why me? Why me?" Alex murmured, Jean revealing an evil grin.

"Alex… just take this word of advice: Quit while you're a **head**." Jean sneered, as Alex dashed off, hollering as Logan raced after him, spouting nonsense while revving his chainsaw, Scott and the others laughing in amusement.

"Hey, by the way, what's that?" Sam asked, as Jean noticed a post-it saying gotcha written on it. Jean then heard some snickering and went wild when she saw Toad and Arcade trying to sneak away.

"did you put the post-it on her?" Toad giggled. "hehehe, yeah she's a real dummy, she…" Arcade snickered before a grunt came from behind them. "uh oh…" both gulped as they saw Jean leering over them, an axe in her hands, and a crazed, maniacal gleam.

"Question… who's seen the Shining before?" Jean asked menacingly. Toad and Arcade looked at each other and sped off, screaming as Jean rode after them on a large boar.

"Arcade, maybe we should reconsider our prank ideas!" Toad panted, he and Arcade running. "WHO'S LAUGHING **NOW**? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Jean cackled maniacally


End file.
